KrisWorld Movies

Set Off
Not worth the time to watch. This is getting typical of Chinese mainland movies. Weak male roles, strong streetsmart women, guy meets girl and they get to know each other better while trying to resolve a situation. Happy ending.
In this case we have this guy whose wife dumped him for his friend. His associate back in Cyprus is selling off the restaurant without his permission so he needs to rush back. On his way to the airport, this girl commandeers his taxi and his luggage and passport ends up locked away in her apartment unit. Meanwhile, some shady characters are after the girl because her no-good boyfriend stole a huge stash of dollar bills from his gangster pal. Turns out the bills are counterfeit. The bills, when arranged properly, actually contains a map of a secret tunnel underneath a museum. In the end, the bad guys are after the museum treasures. Confused yet? All you need to know is that the guy solves all of the girl's troubles, and they later became a couple.

Absurdistan
Should've steered away from this comedy film from Russia. Plot sounds interesting enough, but the movie's no good. You have these two childhood sweethearts living in a village where the only source of water is from a pipe running deep inside the mountains. They're now into their teens, and their raging hormones are telling them to do it. For some strange reason, the cute girl is holding back. They consult her astrologer-granny for an auspicious day, and she gives them one - 4 years in the future. According to granny, they're supposed to take a bath together the day before. The day comes and the water pipe has pretty much dried up. Smart guy diverts all remaining water into an improvised bath tank, and they have their bath. Before the guy can take her, she runs off and insists he fix the water problem permanently. Most of the movie shows the women going on strike - refusing to have sex with their husbands until they fix the water problem. The horny guy goes into the mountain caves with a spare pipe and manages to plug the underground reservoir, thus forcing the water upwards to their village. He (and all the other males of the village) are now happy campers.

Okuribito (Departures)
Won the 2009 Oscar award for Best Foreign Language Film of the Year. Well-deserved, too. They don't make movies like these anymore. Slow and calm and simple and meaningful. Unemployed cellist Daigo becomes a nokanshi to support his wife. As a nokanshi, his job is to cleanse, dress, and make up corpses before they are finally placed in a coffin. Not a job to be proud off, and his wife leaves him when she found out. He stuck with the job and learns to like it, even if other people look down on him. In the end, his wife understands the value of his work and how it gives happiness to the grieving families.

Jumper after Buffet Lunch

Went to Auburn RSL's buffet restaurant to have an eat-out with GF. She could've won easily, but I reckon she held back a little bit. I was so full, I didn't even try all the desserts. Went to Reading Cinemas and watched Jumper. The reviews on the movie poster were saying things like "Bourne meets Matrix!" Well, I've seen both movies, but they're not as bad as Jumper. There are sci-fi movies, and there are sci-fi movies. Jumper is a bad sci-fi movie. You basically have guys called Jumpers (what else?) who are born with the ability to "jump" or teleport from one place to another. Then, you have another group of people called Paladins whose mission in life is to hunt down these Jumpers because only God should the power to "be anywhere and everywhere at once." Throw in a romance angle, some cool and slick teleportation sequences, some high-speed chases, and you've got yourself an action movie in the vein of The Fast and The Furious. If not for the company of GF (and the photobook), it would've been an hour and a half of my life wasted. Stay away from the movie, just read the book.

Destined for 2 Days in Paris

Not really my choice of movie, but it seems like the fates have decided, and their decision is final. My sister got me a double pass to 2 Days to Paris at Dendys, and I decided to pass. This time, GF's friend gave her two tickets to St. George's OpenAir Cinema for the same movie. How can I say no? It's a long walk from Town Hall to St. James to Domain. By the time we got to Mrs. Macquarie's Chair, we're quite ready for dinner. Once we have reserved our seats, we went to the nearby dining area and ordered beer-battered fish and chips and hand-made pizza with calabrese salami, mushrooms, and goat cheese.

It has been raining hard the past few days and tonight, the skies are trying very hard not to. At 8:30pm when the big screen came up and everyone is getting ready for the show, it started to drizzle. Then it started to rain and it started to pour. Everyone rushed off to get their ponchos. Watching an outdoor movie in the middle of a shower through a clear poncho - a first for me (and GF).

Would've been nice if the movie is spectacular, given all the effort we made to watch it, but it's only so-so (despite what the reviews said). Actress-director Julie Delpy plays Paris-born photographer Marion with Adam Goldberg as her American-Jewish boyfriend working in New York as an interior designer. They're on a two-day stop in Paris before going back to the US. During this time, Jack finds out that Marion has bought an apartment one floor above her parents, and that's where they're staying. He also gets to meet several of her ex-boyfriends, most of whom still seem to have the hots for her. He also discovers that one of them has been sending erotic SMS messages to her mobile, and she's been keeping them. Marion, on the other hand, is just a total nutcase. If I were Jack, I would drop her in a split-second. She shares her boyfriend's nude picture with the family; she's got serious anger management issues; she lies about her relation with her ex-boyfriends; she lies about her past sexual encounters; and she overuses her voice-overs in the movie.

For comedic effect, the movie gives us:

• a neurotic boyfriend who doesn't want to take public transport for fear of terrorist bombings, yet nonchalantly gives the wrong directions to a group of tourists
• a compulsive liar of a girlfriend who picks fights with Arab taxi drivers and physically assaults ex-boyfriends as if she's been doing it since she's five, and
• her parents who don't speak much English yet always try to chat up Jack and makes jokes about him in French.

In the end, we got to know more about the main characters, but really I couldn't care less.

O Brother, Where Art Thy Vegetarian Lunch?

It was a long time coming, but my sister finally invited my vegetarian colleague and his family and friends over for lunch. It wasn't easy preparing for it because my colleague is a strict vegetarian - not any vegetarian food will do. We opted for steamed fish, stir-fried vegetables, veggie sausages, red-bean siopao, caesar salad, and DIY pizza. For dessert, we had fruit salad, some cakes, and a big box of cookies GF brought along as her contribution.

Spent the rest of the afternoon watching O Brother, Where Art Thou? with GF. Written and directed by the Cohen Brothers, it's supposed to be very good, but for the life of me, I can't see what's good about it. I know the story, I understand the dialogue, but I just don't "get" it. Maybe I should watch it again.

Greater Union Movie Marathon

It was my first time to try a movie marathon (on terra firma), and frankly I'm surprised so many people are into this thing. I guess the main draw is the cheap ticket price ($16.50 for three movies), plus the chance to do something different with your friends. Most of the people inside the cinema are high school kiddies, who brought along food, blankets, pillows, and friends. Me, I was with my sister, GF, and her brother.

First movie was I Am Legend. This is actually the only movie I wanted to see. Set in post-apocalyptic 2012 New York, Robert Neville and his German shepherd Sam seem to be the only survivors of a lethal virus that broke out during 2009. The genetically-engineered virus was originally developed as a cure for cancer, which later mutated and wiped out 90% of the human population. Over 9% were infected by the strain, but didn't die - degenerating into the aggressive Infected. Less than 1% are totally immune from the virus, but are hunted down by the Infected for food.

I can see why the movie would appeal to the guys. (The girls only wanted to see Will Smith working out half-naked.) I mean, the main character had the whole of NYC as his personal playground. He takes any flash car he likes, go hunting around town all morning, and chat up the ladies (mannequins) all he wants. The rest of the day, he works at bit at the lab, searching for a cure. Absolutely no night life though because that's when the Infected comes out in search for fresh meat.

In a chance encounter, he meets up with two survivors - Anna and her son Ethan. They're on their way to Vermont where there's supposed to be a colony of survivors. Finally, after three years of trial and error, Robert finds a cure. Just in time, too because the Infected manages to track him down to his HQ and mounts an all-out attack. Robert gives Anna a vial of the cure and whisks them out of the house through a backdoor. After that, he blows everything to kingdom come. Anna and Ethan safely reaches the survivors' colony with the cure, and that's how the Legend of Robert Neville came to be.

Next on the line-up in Beowulf. Having watched Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within years and years ago, I'm surprised CGI animation still hasn't improved much at all. I mean, there were times when I struggled to identify the real Angelina Jolie from the CG one, but that's about it. And there's nothing special about the story, too. King Hrothgar and his men offends the monster Grendel, who prefers a quiet night, so he comes to the mead hall and kills off most of the merrymakers. King Hrothgar contracts Beowulf and his men to kill Grendel, which Beowulf did. In retaliation, Grendel's mummy kills Beowulf men in their sleep, and skins them, too. Beowulf goes to the flooded caves for payback. Instead of getting his revenge, Beowulf gets seduced by Grendel's mother (now in the form of luscious Angelina Jolie) with her promise of fame and fortune in exchange for a son. Beowulf willingly obliges.

Years later, Beowulf dreams of a golden man who threatens to kill his wife Wealtheow and consort Ursula. He knew then that his son is out to create trouble in Heorot. That same day, a great dragon attacks his castle. He manages to kill the dragon by ripping out its heart with his bare hands, but not before he was mortally wounded. He leaves the kingdom to his good friend Wiglaf and passes away. In the final scene, we see Wiglaf standing on the shore. Grendel's mother appears out of the water and stares alluringly at Wiglaf. We don't know if Wiglaf took the bait or not.

Last movie for the marathon is 1408. I've seen this one on the plane before. Wasn't scared then, wasn't scared now. It does help that during both times I was already half-asleep. There's really no story to this movie. Just a mishmash of scares strung together. This hack of a writer visits this haunted room to prove there's nothing paranormal about it. About an hour or so of strange happenings, he comes out an almost-dead believer.

Spent the rest of the day catching up on my sleep.

Into the Wild with My Good Friend

My colleague was kind enough to give me his tickets for tonight's preview of Into the Wild. Directed, produced, and written (the screenplay, not the book) by Sean Penn, the movie is about Christopher McCandless and his adventure into Alaska. Christopher (aka Alexander Supertramp), played by Emile Hirsch, is not like most other teenagers. After graduating from Emory University, he donated his life savings of U$24,000 to Oxfam, left home, and went hitchhiking across America. Along the way, he met some unique personalities whom he became good friends with. By doing odd jobs here and there, he managed to save enough to buy the supplies he needed for his stay in the wilderness of Alaska: a .22-caliber rifle, a few boxes of rifle rounds, a machete, a knife, a sleeping bag, a fishing net, a bag of rice, a camera, a notebook, and some books. Fortunately for him, he found an abandoned beat-up bus in the middle of a snowfield, so he made that his home. Days were spent hunting game, collecting water, sprucing up the bus, and reading books.

It was all good for a while, until reality sets in. His bag of rice is not going to last forever; there's less game for him to catch; and I'm sure he's finished reading all the books he brought along. He packs up all his stuff, and leaves his magic bus, ready to go back. While he only needed to cross a small stream during last winter, now it's a raging river, and there's no way he can cross it. With no food left, he started eating roots, berries and leaves. He did have a book called Tanaina Plantlore to help him identify the edible plants, but too bad for him he read the wrong page. He had been eating some leaves, which are indentified as inedible. These things are poisonous, restricts the digestive system, causes nausea, immobility, and ultimately death.

Christopher, ever the brash smart guy, knows what's coming, so he quietly goes into his sleeping bag, zips up his jacket, and waits for his time to come. He was 24, having survived 112 days in the Alaskan wilderness.

By the time the movie ended, my Good Friend and I were famished. We dived in the nearest Chinese restaurant and ordered Hainanese chicken rice and roast pork rice.

Auction Action with the Guru of Waltz

It's true what they say about worrying too much in advance. We had set our sights on this quaint little Federation house in 4 Stewart Street in Eastwood up for auction. Nearing a hundred years old, this 4-bedroom, air-conditioned, 553-sq. m. property is quite well-maintained. Close to shops, station, and school. My sister was fretting about how much we should bid, how much buffer we should allocate, who to do the actual bidding, where we should physically position ourselves during auction day, etc. We even got a solicitor to go through the contract. I was telling her that with that kind of location, it'll definitely go beyond $800k. Turns out I was right.

The auction proper started around 10am. The auctioneer mentioned that he'll start the bidding at $600k. Apparently, somebody wasn't paying attention. When the auction started, this Chinese guy offered an opening bid of $700k, which totally blew us out of the water. Even the auctioneer was surprised. A couple of interested parties kept the ball rolling, until this guy joined in the latter stages and started trumping all the other bids. He managed to get the property at a price of $816k. Interestingly, he only saw the property this morning. Ah, to be rich and naive!

Went to see Guru at the Hurstville Civic Theatre with my movie buddy. It's the second time I was late, and she had to reserve a seat for me. Wasn't my fault really. By noon, we were still in Eastwood. Had lunch in half an hour. Drove back to Campsie, then to Hurstville in record time. It's a movie about this young cocky villager called Gurukant Desai (Abhishek Bachchan), who started out working for Shell in Turkey. Not content to work for the white man, he goes to Mumbai with wife Sujata (Aishwarya Rai) and brother-in-law Jignesh (Arya Babbar) to make a name for himself. He joins a trading fraternity, bets heavily on polyester when nobody else would, and hit paydirt. From there, he started his own company called Shakti, and by hook and by crook, he dominated the industry. Now, it wouldn't be an Indian film without some dramas (and song-and-dance numbers). He was hauled to court for making bribes and evading duties and taxes. He was being bashed by the media. His sidekick committed suicide for unwittingly admitting they're not doing the right thing. There was a stockholder backlash because the company's shares took a dive, etc. In the end, he got off lightly for arguing that he did what he did to make the business successful. For the good of the millions of stockholder, for the good of India! Yeah, right. The movie didn't mention this, but apparently, it is based on the life story of India's richest man, petrochem tycoon Dhirubhai Ambani, the owner of Reliance India.

A few things I didn't like about the movie:

• The song-and-dance numbers. They have absolutely no value-add to the movie. They are there simply to show off the entertainment prowess of the actors. Ok, assuming it helps to set the mood or something. Do you really have to perform the song in its entirety?
• The mish-mash of shooting styles. Every shooting style known to man is implemented here, which distracts from the story.
• Soundtrack overuse. Every single minute of the film is backed up by sound effects. I know how to read subtitles. I know how to read the actors' faces. There's really no need to blanket the whole movie with soundtrack to tell me what I should be feeling.
• Cliched plotlines. Again, almost every plot device known to man is used - the midnight elopement, the train chase, the dashing idealist-journalist marrying the beautiful, crippled girl with MS, the wrist-slash suicide, the mild stroke, the hospital bed crying scene, the rousing rich-vs-poor speech, the courtroom drama, the triumphant return to power, etc.

Anyway, I just learned that I have to start brushing up on my dancing skills again, particularly the waltz. (Can you actually waltz to The Way You Look Tonight?!) Last time I did ballroom dancing was during college PE. In a week's time, I'll be dancing again. Watch this space.

Pepper Lunch Dinner after Death at a Funeral

Second funniest movie of the year after The Simpsons Movie. My movie buddy and I was supposed to watch another film at Dendy, but we didn't want to wait another 2 hours, so I suggested Death at a Funeral instead. Directed by Frank Oz and written by Dean Craig, Death at a Funeral is a barrel of laughs despite the sombre title. Right from the animated opening credits with a symbol of a coffin moving over a street map, you'll know this is going to be interesting. The dead father who has yet to come out of the closet, the struggling son living under the shadow of a much successful novelist-brother, the midget lover out for his share of the inheritance, the drug-dealing cousin whose bottle of recreational drugs disguised as Valium goes missing, the nervous fiance of the niece who took the Valium and goes naked in public, etc. - outstanding performances from a stellar cast. In spite of all the commotion and the interruptions, the son manages to deliver a passionate and heartfelt eulogy, which ended the movie nicely.

Some choice quotes from the movie:

Daniel: Who is this?
Undertaker: Pardon me?
Daniel: This is not my father.

Sandra: Tea can do many things, Jane, but it can't bring back the dead.

Martha: Simon.
Simon: [behind the bathroom door] Simon.
Martha: Simon!
Simon: Simon.
Martha: Sy!
Simon: Mon.

Uncle Alfie: Touch and go! Touch and go!

Simon: [when the coffin started moving] I knew it!

After the movie, we dropped by the MCA to pass the time before going to St. Patrick's Church along Grosvenor Street for afternoon mass. I may be a non-practising Catholic, but I reckon it wouldn't hurt if I enter a church once in a while. The mass took about an hour. After all that sitting, standing, and kneeling, I'm starting to feel hungry. Passed by the Pepper Lunch restaurant along George Street, and we went in for a sample. The unique concept of this "fast-steak" franchise is a metal plate heated to 500 degrees Fahrenheit (260 Celsius) by an electromagnetic cooker. Raw steaks like chicken or beef with rice and sauces are then placed on the hot plate where it cooks right in front of the customer. Most stressful dinner I've had so far!
:-)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Fiesta at Passello

Went to Darling Harbour to watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix in IMAX 3D with a friend. Thanks to Star City, I managed to score 2-for-1 tickets for the show. Regular admission is $25 per adult. It's a good thing my friend has watched HP: OofP before. Last time I went to an IMAX theater, I had to leave in the middle of the film because I started getting really dizzy and was just about to puke. The screen size was really impressive, the movie was not. I've read the book, and thought it's a waste of the paper it was printed on. The movie is not much better. The recurring problem with Harry Potter (the book) is the weak plot and the lame side-stories. Rowling tries to spice things up with a myriad of characters and their little histories, but in the end, I still don't feel for them. Take away the clumsy love triangles, the secret magical trainings, the juvenile pranks, the petty house rivalries and faculty politics, and all you end up with is Voldemort trying get into Harry's head, and the showdown between the Order and Dumbledore's Army vs. the Death-Eaters and Voldemort. That segment at the Department of Mysteries is rendered in 3D. That's about the best thing about the whole movie.

Always recommended to have something to eat before the start of a movie. Halfway into the movie, my stomach's growling already. By the time we finished the movie, made our selection from the Sydney Entertainment Book, and got a table at Passello, my stomach has given up complaining. The beef lasagne and the chicken caesar salad taste quite good. Actually, anything's good when you're hungry. For dessert, we had hazelnut chocolate and green tea latte from Starbucks. Checked out the Earth from Above photo exhibition along the Urban Stream, featuring 120 large-scale aerial photographs by award-winning French photographer Yann Arthus-Bertrand. By the time we finished viewing all the pictures, it was already 11:30pm. Parking at the Exhibition Centre - $18. A great night-out - priceless.

KrisWorld Movie Marathon

The best way to pass time on a plane is still to watch lots and lots of movies. Just watch three movies straight, or intersperse them with a few CDs in between, and you'll get to your destination by the time you're done. You don't even have to make small talk with your seatmate. Who knows, you might be sitting next to Tyler Durden.

First movie I watched is Daniel Craig's first outing as Agent 007 in Casino Royale. I must say I liked this one. Not because I think Daniel Craig is the most wonderful British actor there is. Or maybe I'm just bored with the dashing Pierce Brosnan already. did is so ruthless. It's just not right to take advantage of a man when he's at his most vulnerable. I mean, 007 just got his license to kill, yet he's willing to leave everything on the table, and start a new life with Ms. Mr. Craig brings a breath of fresh air and drive to the role. The opening scene is not as extravagant and techie as the earlier ones, but wow, you should see the action. Just like Jackie Chan when he was just starting in the business. I'm not going to bore you with all the plot details, as I'm sure everyone has seen the movie already. I just want to say that what Ms. LyndLynd. Yet she betrayed him. In usual Bond fashion, 007 was able to catch the bad guy. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to save the damsel in distress. He became a colder man that day Ms. Lynd drowned in the depths of Venice.

Best bit of conversation in the movie:
Ms. Lynd: You know, James. I just want you to know that if all that was left of you was your smile and your little finger, you'd still be more of a man than anyone I've ever met.
Mr. Bond: That's because you know what I can do with my little finger.
Ms. Lynd: You're not going to let me in there, are you? You've got your amor back on. That's that.
Mr. Bond: I have no armor left. You've stripped it from me. Whatever is left of me, whatever is left of me, whatever I am, I'm yours.

To help clear the somber mood, I watched a comedy from Stephen Chow next. The movie is called Love on Delivery and also stars the luscious Christy Chung and his long-time sidekick Ng Man Tat. Stephen Chow also directs. Having watched Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle, I'm deeply disappointed with this one. The movie feels like it's shot over a weekend, and Stephen Chow is probably having a hangover when he directed. The jokes are tired and banal and the plot virtually non-existent. Delivery boy Chow meets pretty student Chung. (She's even prettier with less clothes on.) After being humiliated by Chung's judo-teacher suitor, Chow gets some kung-fu lessons from an dodge convenience store owner, and get duped out of his savings in the process. Incredibly, Chow actually learned something and managed to defeat the judo teacher AND his teacher's nemesis in a tournament.

As I didn't get my comedy fix, I chose a Japanese movie next. Japanese are usually over-the-top and unpredictable, and that makes funny. Movie is called Kintaro, the White-Collar Worker (Sarariiman Kintarô). I'm sure the title sounds better in Nihongo. Anyway, movie started out all right. Story is about a young idealistic employee working in the construction business. Unfortunately, public works is a dirty business, full of insider dealing and rigged biddings. He didn't like the look of things, so he decided to fight the system. The whole company backed his cause in an effort to remain afloat. Things went downhill from there. His boss got bombed, his family got hurt, and he got mad. Mad enough to call on his former biker friends and start a gang war. Faced with a police barricade, he tried to go it alone and was jailed for 6 months. (What?! Not life?) Anyway, the day he came out of prison, there's a big crowd to welcome him and what he represents. Cheesy, I know, but you have to remember this is based on a cartoon series. As he walked to his waiting wife and son, the crowd parted like the Red Sea. The end.

What have I done to deserve movies like these? I switched to audio mode and listened to Bach's Brandenburg Concertos (by Tafelmusik and Jeanne Lamon). Now, you can't go wrong with that!

My Kind of Rat, Flushed Away

I have watched quite a number of animated films, and I have to say Aardman's creations are one of the best out there, in terms of plot. Wallace & Grommit, Chicken Run, and now Flushed Away - I love them all.

The movie tells the story of this uptown rat by the name of Roddy (Hugh Jackman) who was flushed down the toilet by no-good sewer rat Sid. In rat town down the sewers, he meets red-head Rita (Kate Winslet) and convinces her to bring him up top to Kensington. For her troubles, he'll give her a real ruby (from his master's jewelry box) to replace the one he broke. While on their way on the Jammy Dodger, they were chased by The Toad's (Ian McKellen) rat henchmen Whitey (Bill Nighy) and Spike (Andy Serkis), assisted by Le Frog (Jean Reno) and his French ninja frogs. Rita and Roddy eventually reaches his Kensington home. As agreed, he gave her a ruby, plus an emerald for a Jammy Dodger II.

Back at the sewer, The Toad and Le Frog finally captures Rita and retrieves the master cable of the floodgate control system, which Rita has been using as her belt. While watching the World Cup finals with Sid (England vs. Germany), Roddy realizes The Toad's diabolical plan - to open the floodgates at half-time when everyone is using the loo and flush away all the rats in the sewers, then repopulate the underground city with his tadpoles he's keeping in the ref.

Naturally, our intrepid and dashing Roddy goes down the toilet again, reunites with Rita, foils The Toad's plan, and saves the day (and the rats). The slugs were so happy they were singing praises. As for Sid, he decides to stay up top permanently. Last scene shows the owners coming back from vacation, and Roddy's owner Tabitha brought along a new pet - a cat.

For some weird reason, I find Rita strangely attractive. (Is it the low-slung jeans?) She has the face of a rat, but what a personality! Decisive, aggressive, sensitive, vulnerable, smart - she's my kind of rat. Ginger in Chicken Run isn't too bad, either.

Borat in Moonlight Cinema

Had my first taste of Moonlight Cinema, although given a choice, I still would've preferred Movies in the Overflow. For one, the Overflow has bigger space to accommodate more people. It also has less trees obstructing your view. Transport-wise, I would say Olympic Park is still more accessible.

Tonight's film is Borat a.k.a. Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Sacha Baron Cohen plays Borat Sagdiyev, a native of Kazakhstan, who's travelling across USA to document the American way of life. Halfway through the documentary, he discovers Baywatch, and goes off in search of C.J. Abandoned by his producer, he travels alone to California to marry his love, the virgin Pamela Anderson. (Yeah, right.)

The plot is not that important here because the whole anti-Jew movie is just a string of hilarious outrageous skits in the tradition of Jackass. It's like these scriptwriters sat down, contributed one segment each, and another guy strung them all up, and so Borat the movie is born. The skits?

• Borat gets a lesson in American humour a.k.a. How to make "Not!" jokes - Not!
• Borat meets with the feminists a.k.a. Why feminists are always in a foul mood
• Borat learns how to drive a.k.a. Women should be allowed to drive, too
• Borat buys a car from a dealership a.k.a. Gypsy-killing Hummers don't come with pu$$y magnets
• Borat joins a gay pride parade a.k.a. A guy with a rubber fist dildo is most probably a homosexual
• Borat goes on news TV a.k.a. Don't mess with the weatherman
• Borat performs at a rodeo show a.k.a. Kazakhstan is no. 1 exporter of potassium
• Borat mingles with the boyz in da hood a.k.a. What's up wit it, nigg@?
• Borat takes refuge in a Jewish B&B a.k.a. Sleeping with the enemy
• Borat visits a gun store a.k.a. Protection against the J3ws
• Borat gets a lesson in dinner etiquette a.k.a. Don't show family pictures when teenage son is nude
• Borat enjoys Southern dinner a.k.a. How to use the toilet properly
• Borat hires a prostitute a.k.a. Alabamans don't like African-American prostitutes
• Borat goes shopping in antique store a.k.a. Pubic hair is not legal tender in America
• Borat hitches ride with frat boys a.k.a. Tommy Lee was here
• Borat attends a Pentecostal prayer meeting a.k.a. Jesus loves all, amen!
• Borat proposes to Pamela a.k.a. Pamela doesn't like being kept in the dark...in a sack

To its credit though, Borat made me laugh out loud, which you probably couldn't do in a proper cinema. There's way too many funny quotes to list here, and even then I'm not gonna list them as most of them are not appropriate for kids' ears.

Captain Corelli's Accent

Captain Corelli's Mandolin was showing on TV a few days ago. There was nothing else on, so I thought I'd give this a try. Nicolas Cage is Nicolas cage. It doesn't matter whether he's a lucky cop in It Could Happen to You, or a two-faced action hero in Face/Off, or a bumbling scientist in The Rock, or a con artist in Matchstick Men. The characters change, but he doesn't. The moment he started talking with that hokey Italian accent, I just tuned out. And no amount of Penelope Cruz (with her Greek accent) can persuade me otherwise.